I hate bumper stickers. Yup that’s right. You read the inaugural post to this blog and expect me to follow up with some purging of the soul. Surely I have dark secrets to get off my chest. Clearly the writer of this blog broods over things more important, more worldly. I mean there must be something more pressing on this mans psyche…right? Nope, just bumper stickers.
That’s the thing about being me I guess. I tend to make mountains out of mole hills sometimes. But I think I am on to something with the whole bumper sticker thing.
When I was a kid I seem to remember bumper stickers being more benign than they are today. They said stuff like “My kids an honor roll student.” Maybe some pithy remark about the piece of shit car you were driving. Even the classic “Ass, grass or gas...no one rides for free,” was pretty harmless. All things considered I recall that bumper stickers were supposed make the driver proud or the reader of said sticker laugh.
But some time ago, I began to notice that as we all were participating in some group counseling trust exercise, people began to put some very personal and controversial things on their cars. Like weather or not you were prochoice. That’s the first one I remember. My parents have had a “Pro Life,” sticker on every car since the early 90’s. It seems once you open the flood gates with something like abortion than everything else is suddenly in play. Example:
Of course you have seen these and others. This isn’t an argument about free speech. This isn’t even about specific opinions one might have. What I can’t stand about bumper stickers is the absolute passive aggressive nature in which they are intended. Am I the only one who sees this? It’s like running up to someone, slapping them and then running away. There is no discussion or chance for rebuttle. There is only the likelyhood that you are angering someone who will now never try to listen to your points on a subject or, you are preaching to the choir. Think about it; our cars say things most people would never bring up to strangers.
And then, we drive away. We must believe we accomplish something with this display of sarcastic insult. We must think its somehow constructive. There are discussions I wont with family that they have posted to their vehicles. Imagine interventions or other uncomfortable topics happening in this fashion. You may see stickers that say “Jenny is a meth addicted whore,” or “Bob, we’re all pretty sure your gay.”
In my area of the world it is pretty much expected that your vehicle will reflect not just a few but all of your political and religious views as well as your preference of American, and American only car manufacturer and sports team. Now if you own a truck, you will need a decal of Calvin pissing on something and also some nuts to afix below the hitch that match the color of your truck. I suppose this is so people will know your truck is a boy which is appearently important to note. I myself have yet to decide what I want Calvin to piss on and as of yet am uncomfortable with the thought of my truck having balls. But I’m pretty new here.
So why do I care so much? Because we are smarter than this. We have to be right? I mean I can have my opinions challenged and it’s not threatening to me. Even if I have to sometimes admit that I have an opinion I can’t back with rationale or fact. But to blurt out an opinion as fact and run away is just lazy. Maybe its even fearful. I think some people think that if enough people dawn the same messages to their cars it will have the effect of peer pressuring everyone else. But reallly we are all opinionated weenies. Most people would rather let Glen Beck or Keith Olberman formulate opinions for them than search and think for themselves. And if we can’t think for ourselves, how can we challenge someone elses thinking? We can’t. So instead, we attempt to insult or humiliate them into being silent or submissive without ever having a real conversation with someone of a differing view. I can’t help but think that the conversation is important.
So that’s why I hate bumper stickers…and truck balls because those are yucky.
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